Q& A with Beth Chilcoat

Nobody Tells a Dying Guy to Shut Up

1) Dave candidly shares his thoughts and feelings after he was diagnosed with ALS.  What were you going through emotionally?

I can't even describe the horror, the sorrow and the feeling of it being totally unreal. I was begging God for a miracle and sobbing my brains out. Not a pretty picture, but that was my honest response.

2) Why did you decide to put Dave’s blog entries into book form?

Most of us fear something. We feel God could take us through some things but not, for instance, the loss of a child or the death of a spouse or a crippling disease. ALS was David's greatest fear. Facing it meant throwing everything into God's lap, dusting off promises that we were familiar with but often felt we didn't need because we were handling things on our own. We decided to take God at his word on EVERYTHING, not because we were so spiritual, but because we were so desperate. Getting to be eyewitnesses to God's daily provision for our broken hearts and watching the minute by minute provision He gave was purely amazing. The book is only able to include a small fraction of the moment by moment answers to prayers that we experienced as we tried to leave this horror in His hands and trust Him to give us what we needed. We wanted to share that blessing with everyone as they meet life's challenges and eventually face their own life crises. God is more than sufficient for all of life and in every situation we face. What confidence we can have in our Savior who keeps every promise He makes.

3) What did you learn about Dave during this process? About yourself? About God?

I loved David with all my heart but I learned that I was not just married to a really good guy but a remarkable man of faith. The strength, faith, and tenacity he showed as he led us through this and faced it himself left me incredibly humbled by this man that I had the privilege of being married to for 37 years. Also, when I read the passages about me in the book, I think, “I wasn't that strong, giving person.” But because David saw me that way, it helped me to grow more like that. Both God's love and human love heals and builds us up and changes us.

What I learned about myself was also revolutionary: God's power is made perfect in weakness. I brought the weakness and fears and doubts and He met each one and gave me what I needed to face each day. Maybe that sounds cliché, but it is simply what he did. He took a terrified person and gave her the strength to live through a nightmare.

God wants us to surrender to him and trust Him in everything. Dwight Moody said for years he felt he was dragging his ministry along, pulling an immense burden. When he finally relinquished it to God, he felt instead like a huge river carried him. I experienced that, the freedom of being carried along and the ability to rest in him.

4) What are some words of advice you have for spouses of terminally ill husbands/wives?

Give it all over to God and leave it there. Know what he promises and what he doesn't. Come to him moment by moment for what you need. Live one day at a time. Don't spend time worrying about what might be or what used to be. Live the day you have.

Don't spend energy on protecting one another and keeping your thoughts and fears to yourself. You will need all your energy to cope. We agreed early to tell it like it was. We told friends and family to ask us how we were doing only if they really wanted to know. We didn't have the energy for pretense. We shared everything candidly with one another. It wasn't easy at times, but it definitely was the only way we could do it.

Accept help freely. Our family, church, friends, the ALS association, and Hospice all helped and we needed every one of them.

Keep a journal in some form. David kept his journal online. It helped so much to hear people's reactions and encouragement. At first, we appreciated the fact that we could see God using our pain for good as it seemed to encourage and challenge other people’s faith. Then one day, it dawned on us how much we were being strengthened by the need to focus on what God was doing in our lives in order to write weekly about our journey.

Live your life as fully as you are able. Don't begin to die before you have to. Live every day fully! It's the only one you have.

5) What was the worst moment during Dave's battle? Was there a good moment?

The day of diagnosis, the day of his death and actually many days without him as a widow were the worst days.

My best memory is of our trip out west. It was just the two of us and our puppy. We got to go back to Colorado and reminisce about our summers spent there at Young Life camp. David got to go back to Mt. Princeton where he had accepted Christ and praise God for the incredible ride his life had been. The time on this trip just to share and the extravagance of time together was one of the most precious times of my life.

6) What do you think Dave would say about this book?

Way to go, Beth! And to God be the glory!

Dave Chilcoat shares his journey through ALS:

Beth Chilcoat featured on New York Times' Patient Voices
 feature.

Click here for more info!  NY Times