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Singer/songwriter Brian Bates has been candid about struggling with
homosexuality early in his life. Because of the recent gay marriage
amendments in many states as well as revelations from Clay Aiken and
popular Christian artist Ray Boltz, Brian has been approached by
both fans and media to give his take on how Christians should
respond. He offers the following editorial:
Ray & Clay are Gay: How I Would Respond
by singer/songwriter Brian Bates
Two prominent artists, Ray Boltz and Clay Aiken, "came out of the
closet" recently. Given my background and passion on the subject,
I've had several inquiries recently asking me how I would respond
and what I would say to them. I offer these suggestions:
-- I'd sit down with them, having left my agenda at home
-- I'd tell them my favorite songs of theirs
-- I'd get to know them
-- I'd ask them about their journey with God
-- I'd share mine
If it was still going well at this point, then:
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I'd compare notes about how we arrived at different conclusions of
God's take on our sexuality
-- I'd ask if they have truly submitted their sexuality to God,
like I've had to do, like we all should do
-- I'd agree to disagree
A few magazines featured me recently, asking me to give their young
readers some "tips" on how to respond to the gay issue. That seems
to be the big question I always get: "How do I respond to
homosexuality?" To that I say - focus on the person more than the
issue.
If you know someone who lives a homosexual lifestyle, it helps to
determine how they describe themselves. Do they say they are
"gay?" Or do they call it a "struggle?" That helps to know how
to respond. Either way, if you know someone who struggles with
their gender identity...
--Don't debate. Put aside an argumentative spirit and any need to be
right. That doesn't win people's trust.
--Don't be a know-it-all. Be a good listener. Learn. Get in their
shoes the best you can.
--Focus on spirituality not sexuality. We all need and desire a
relationship with God. Bottom-line.
--Be kind. "It's God's kindness that leads to repentance." Let
people experience the kindness of God through you. Let God take care
of the convicting part, in His timing.
--Be honest. Don't act like you have it all together. Tell them
about your own struggles and uncertainties. That helps others open
up.
--Be a friend. Invite them to stuff, have fun, earn trust over
time. Don't treat anyone like a charity case.
--Meet their needs. If homosexuality is truly about what I believe
it is--legit same-sex needs simply being met in the wrong way--then
you can be a part of meeting those needs in the right way. Cool huh?
--If you're not sure...WWJD? Study the Gospels. Watch Jesus' life
and how he dealt with people, both the "in crowd" (religious
people) and the "out crowd" (sick people, outcasts, etc). Live
like that.
Anyone who knows me and my life story knows that I am not soft on
this issue. I have a traditional biblical perspective on
homosexuality, believing it is not God's intent or design and
therefore homosexual behavior is sin. And if you know my story,
you also know my turnaround started with the relentless compassion
of a Christian friend. She put aside the moral debate and
appealed to my need for God. That turned my heart towards home,
back to a loving Father that I could trust enough to rethink my
sexuality and take my narrow path. After all, it is God's
kindness that leads to repentance.
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Brian
Bates' latest CD,